Q: What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?
A: Shoot him again.
Q: How can you tell when a man is well-hung?
A: When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: Because they’re practicing to be men.
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One – he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him………. OR Three – one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You didn’t hold the pillow down long enough.
Q: Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilise one egg?
A: Because not one will stop and ask directions.
Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.
Q: Why do men whistle when they’re sitting on the toilet?
A: So they know which end to wipe
Q: What is the difference between men and women…
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
Q: How does a man keep his youth?
A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds.
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to “instruction manuals”