Yes, finally, I've returned. I am, of course, referring to this article posted on the site earlier. Just when you all thought you were rid of me.

Plans for Humour Authority will include that all people who opted to get involved with Humour Authority administration be contacted and we will have a little meeting on how we can make Humour Authority even better.

Our poll indicating the funniest joke for the year 2003, is now officially closed, and the winning joke was Proud to be Texan submitted by Mombeau. This was closely followed by The Difference between Men and Women. We will shortly put up a poll for the funniest jokes of 2004, which will be eligible to receive votes until the end of 2005, to determine the funniest joke of 2004.

I hope that you will continue to enjoy Humour Authority's free humour just as I enjoy providing it! Please support our sponsors if you feel they have something you need.

Regards,

Kobus

Instead of wasting valueble front page space with all kinds of administrativia, we've decided to put all those as links instead. Better? Site access is now open to everyone again for reading jokes - all other activities require that you sign up. Come on, sign up - it's free! (both from financial costs and from spam!)

ALL site accounts are free! Read more! Say your say in our site forums Joke of the Day. Joke of the Week. Joke of the Month. Joke of the Year 2003. Semi-weekly (or whatever!) newsletter.

An adorable little girl, all blonde curls and blue eyes walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"

The shopkeeper's heart melts and he Gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want A widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?"

She, blushing, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't fink my python weally gives a phuck."

AUSTRALIAN BRICKLAYER'S REPORT

Dear Sir,

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-storey building. When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later, were found to be slightly in excess of 500lbs.

Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at the ground I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks.

You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.

Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience pain.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel.

Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50lbs. I refer you again to my weight. As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and, fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs.

I hope this answers your inquiry.